


The Breakthrough

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-12
Updated: 2009-05-26
Packaged: 2019-01-19 12:53:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12410658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Lily enters her final year as a surprising pessimist for someone enjoying quite a perfect life. And in the expectations and confusion surrounding her life, she finds James Potter, the man who becomes the only person she's ever trusted.





	1. Expectations, Maybe?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**The Breakthrough**

OK. This is my first chapter of my first story and I'm quite proud of it. I've think I've managed to create the kind of Lily and James I've always imagined in my head. But that's obviously my opinion. So, I really hope and appreciate anyone reading this story and of course, reviewing it.

Tell me if you hate it, if you love it and hopefully you'll help me along what is going to be a rather long story. Have I bored you already? Sorry. But Happy Reading! And reviewing of course!

Cheers

N

**Chapter 1**

**Expectations, Maybe?**

 

Lily Evans did not expect much of her last and final year of school. She was Head-girl and seemingly perfect and beautiful but somehow these characteristics did not tell her that she could expect a miracle.

 

Her life which seemed so perfect and put together was always coming apart at the seams, she felt it and _they_ always expected her to put it all back perfectly. Who ‘they’ were, she wasn’t quite sure, but she knew that there was a they. No matter how happy she felt, there was always something incomplete, something amiss, that she just could not ignore, that was so in her face that she sometimes wanted to strangle herself. Not literally, because she was not morbid. But somewhere inside, she wanted to do something drastic, something which would shake the world up a bit.

 

These thoughts ran through her mind as she waited for the Head Boy to make his appearance, wanting to get _that_ confrontation out of the way. She was sure there was going to be a confrontation and she just wanted to get out and be alone. Get over the depression. She just wanted some time to herself.

 

“Bloody Hell, Evans.”

 

Or not.

 

She took a deep breath. She was over letting James Potter get to her. She was over their immature rivalry. And she was going to prove it to him.

 

“Potter,” she said calmly.

 

“Head Girl, hm?” he said running his hand through his hair.

 

Lily closed her eyes and tried not to let it get to her.

 

“Head Boy,” she said through clenched teeth.

 

He noticed her obvious effort at trying not to stab him with her wand. He grinned nervously, eyeing her wand. “Yeah, I guess,” he said.

 

“Oh, OK,” Lily continued with painful cheeriness. “Um, so I’ve been going through McGonagall’s notes and she’s outlined everything in detail. So everything should be fairly easy.” She paused, should she continue? In the end, she couldn’t resist. “Think you can manage that?”

 

“Think _we_ can manage that.”

 

Lily was momentarily stunned. “Sorry?” she said, so surprised she forgot to be angry.

 

“It will probably help everyone if we share the responsibility. Make things run smoother,” he said.

 

Lily blinked. Again. When had she been so outworded by James Potter?  Never. But here she was, staring at him like one of those awful, love-struck girls he loved to collect and here he was, spouting the basis of responsibility to her

 

“Sorry?” she repeated, trying to get her mind around his words.

 

He grinned more fully. “Responsibility, Evans. Ever heard of that word? It means when you – “

 

The words swirling in her head snapped together. “Alright then, Potter. Since you’re so incredibly _full_ of responsibility, why don’t you start the meeting, yeah?”

 

He leaned back against the door. “My pleasure, Evans. You know that.”

 

Lily stared. How in the world was he going to head a meeting? Somehow, Lily felt something of a smile grace her lips. “Good,” she said.

 

Ever since Marlene had told her that James Potter had become Head Boy to her Head Girl, she had expected one hell of a fight. Because somehow, along the way, James had gotten over his, “Evans, will you go out with me,” stage to “Evans, will you shut up? You’re a bloody pain in the arse.”

 

And Lily, not being one to take insults lying down would always respond with a, “Potter, you’d be surprised to know that the day you stop being an over-bearing, arrogant git, you’ll stop finding me a pain.”

 

And here they were, Head Boy and Head Girl, both of them expecting a fight and both of them surprised.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

* * *

 

 

 "What’s happened to James Potter?” Lily asked Marlene later that night.

 

 “What d’you mean, ‘What’s happened to James Potter?’”

 

 

“Why’s he acting – I don’t know – so – “ Lily threw her arms out, her mind racing across possible words she could use to describe his behaviour. “Unexpected,” she said finally.

 

Marlene looked distinctly uncomfortable. “He’s seen a lot of death, I think,” she said.

 

Lily turned her head up, that was the last thing she could have ever thought of. Heartbreak, Tension in the Marauders, stupid things that affected boys, Lily wasn’t sure but all of that seemed to fit so much more with the James Potter image she had in her mind. But death? No.

 

“What do you mean, death?” she said.

 

“His family, really,” Marlene said. “The Potters have been targeted by – she paused, gulped – by you know…”

 

Lily did know. The threat of Voldemort was so much more imminent, so much more in the news and James obviously had risen over their stupid conflict. In that moment, Lily decided that was obliged to return the favour.

 

Then something struck her.

 

“But, uh, they’re safe, right? They – no one – the Potters – are fine?”

 

Marlene shook her head. “James was almost killed.”

 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 It was their first prefect meeting. They sat opposite each other, both seemingly at a heavy loss of words. How did one deal with an unexpectedly serious James Potter? Lily wasn’t sure but she sure as hell wasn’t going to start what was definitely going to be an awkward conversation.

 

James cleared his throat and Lily jerked her head up at once. “Yeah?” she said instinctively. James raised an eyebrow. Mortified, Lily pulled out her hands and wished that they were more interesting. She wished – so bad – that she had painted her nails or done something that would warrant her sudden interest in them.

 

 

Suddenly, something in Lily snapped. She wasn’t going to even try and be nice to James. She didn’t care if he had almost died, he was a stupid prat and she wasn’t going to try and be patient with him. He didn’t deserve it.

 

“What?” she said aggressively.

 

James brought his hands heavily down onto the table. “Excuse me?” he said, deciding between angry and surprised.

 

“Yes, Potter,” Lily said, angrily. “Either you speak up and tell me what the hell you want or get out.”

 

James slammed his chair backwards. “You’re unbelievable, Evans.”

 

“Excuse me?” Lily said in turn but there was guilt in her voice now and he could heard it.

 

He smiled coldly and then, all of sudden, he lost all control. “I coughed, Evans. I bloody _coughed_. You’re the one who assumed I had anything to say. I wasn’t. So take your stupid assumptions and twisted expectations and stuff them! Because I’m not interested in working with a girl who judges every bloody thing I try to do!”

With that, he threw his batch of parchments in her face and stalked off.

 

 Lily sat back in her chair. She had thought she was over getting winded up by James Potter. But she wasn’t and for the first since she could remember, she realized that she was to blame.

 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 Later, Lily and Marlene were sitting on the window frame in the girls dormitories. It was night and the Quidditch grounds stretched out in front of them, vast and beautiful. But Lily couldn’t get over the fight and his words because she could see, so clearly, that he meant them and that was obviously what he thought of her. That she was an unfriendly, judgemental bitch.

 

And though James Potter probably couldn’t care less about whether his words had affected her or not, they had. They were affecting her hard.

 

“Marlene,” she said, suddenly breaking up the silence. “Am I - do you think I’m judgemental?”

 

Marlene looked up surprised. “What?” she said. “Uh, Lily, you are not – I don’t think – OK, I think you give people a fair chance before you judge them.”

 

Lily found herself shaking her head. “A fair chance at what? Matching up to my expectations?” she said bitterly.

 

Marlene’s eyes cleared. “OK. Who said what to you?”

 

Lily leaned against the cold stone wall. She didn’t even know why she was talking about this. But she felt like she had to get it off her heart and Marlene was the most non-judgemental person she knew. And she was her best friend.

 

“James Potter,” she said finally.

 

Marlene didn’t respond immediately. “Why do you suddenly care about what James Potter thinks of you?”

 

Lily shrugged. “He’s never been really angry, like furious with me. And he was today. And I provoked him and I feel awful about it.”

 

Marlene chose her next words carefully. “What was he angry about?”

 

“I was annoyed because he did something I hadn’t expected. And I…” she trailed off.

 

“Lily,” Marlene said. “Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure James Potter would be feeling pretty bad about yelling at you.”

 

Lily took a deep breath. “So what do I do now?”

 

Marlene put her hand on Lily’s arm. “Expect the unexpected, Lily.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Something In Between

  **The Breakthrough**

 

_OK. This is my next chapter and it basically involves the beginning of a Lily/James friendship. Or a relationship of any sort that does not involve the two of them trying to kill each other._

_Happy Reading!_

_N_

 

**Chapter 2**

**Somewhere in Between**

 

Although Marlene had told her to just leave the situation alone, that it would simply fall into place, things between Lily and James could not have been more awkward. First of all, Marlene and James were old family friends and hence, Lily found James always around her. She wouldn’t have minded so much if the two of them could manage to actually catch the other’s eye without wincing, which was the current state of affairs. James always seemed to be staring at her back and when she turned, he would color and immediately turn around. This was the cue for his friends to continue with the staring, only it was more like glaring.  Lily always thought that he was about to say something but that was just her expectation and she wanted to be done with expectations. Either way, Lily just wanted the two of them to be OK, at least for the sake of the school. Head duties were being avoided by both of them simultaneously and Lily was seriously expecting someone to report them to Dumbledore. She wouldn’t blame them. 

 

“Lily?”

 

Lily glanced up to find Dorcas Meadows, fifth-year Ravenclaw prefect looking questioningly up at her.

 

“Yes?” she said.

 

Dorcas was obviously uncomfortable. “Uh. James sent me to you.”

 

At Lily’s half-annoyed, half-surprised expression, she continued, “About the patrol timings.”

 

Marlene who had been staring at all of this, amusedly, suddenly cut in, “Remind James that he is taking care of the Ravenclaw timings. Tell him Marlene said it.”

Dorcas looked like she was about to argue, before turning and walking back to her table.

 

“Sorry!” Lily called after her.

 

She turned to Marlene. “This is it!” she said forcefully.

 

The smile on Marlene’s face grew. “Excuse me?” she said calmly.

 

“We’re in seventh year, right? Right. And we have to stop acting like stupid children.”

 

“I’m sorry, Lily,” Marlene responded, steadily buttering her toast. “Who are we talking about exactly?”

 

Lily started smiling. If she hadn’t known Marlene for seven years, she would have been taken in by the whole innocent act. “You’re useless! How did I get stuck with you?”

 

Marlene looked up. “Um. Probably because no one else was actually insane enough to be friends with you.”

 

Lily decided she would give Marlene one more chance to help before she began yelling. “What should I do?”

 

“Sorry?”

 

Lily finally lost it. “What the hell am I supposed to do about James Potter? Marlene can you stop being so selfishly hungry all the time and HELP ME?”

 

Marlene immediately dropped the toast. “OK. Start from the beginning. Don’t talk in riddles and be clear, will you?”

 

Lily wondered where the beginning started. It was so jumbled up in her mind. And she never really thought about it much if she could help it. “So. James and I never really got along. In the beginning, we were too small to really, I don’t know, fight but we were always clashing somehow and then the awful fifth year, where he asked me out every five minutes and then that time at the lake.” Lily paused to think of that day, something she didn’t like to do often. “But last year, the two of us sort of started moving towards mutual hate or something. Only the year ended and nothing major happened. But then we came back and I think we both decided not to act stupid anymore, you know, get over the arguing. Only…”

 

Marlene smiled wryly, “We know how _that_ decision worked out.”

 

Lily shrugged, “I think it’s important we do something about it. You know, sort this out. Only, he’s so bloody annoying.”

 

“He’s not any more, Lily. He’s changed.”

 

“I know! But it’s hard not to get annoyed. It’s just…hard…”

 

“Talk to him.” Marlene interrupted.

 

“I have no idea how to – “

 

“Lily,” Marlene repeated. “Talk to James.”

 

Lily suddenly heard Marlene. Varying emotions crossed her mind. At last, she said slowly, “Would it make sense if I said I’d rather die?”

 

Marlene laughed and then became serious almost instantly. “You want to sort this out? Then talk to him. I mean, it’s ridiculous how you both have messengers to decide the patrol schedules!”

Lily started laughing, uncontrollably.

 

“Lily,” Marlene said. “Everyone’s staring. They want to know if you’re OK.”

Lily looked around and her gaze fell on the Marauders, they were staring at her like she had suddenly announced her marriage to Snape. Somehow, that thought made her laugh even harder.

 

“Alright,” she said, before she could change her mind. “I’ll talk to him.”

 

xxxxxxxxxx

 

Having made the decision, Lily found that actually living up to it was about five times more hard. Whatever the rest of the school thought about James, Lily had to admit that James intimidated her. It didn’t help that he was at least a head taller than her. Neither did the fact that they had never had a civilised, normal conversation in their entire lives. But Lily knew that dancing around a truce was not going to help. She wanted to be the mature one.

 

It was in the common room that she put her plan in action. She screwed up the little bit of courage she possessed and went over to the Marauders. They stared up at her, with varying degrees of shock plastered across their faces.

 

“Lost, Evans?” Sirius Black said finally.

 

Lily ignored him, her eyes steadily placed over James Potter’s head. “Uh. Po – James, can I have a word?”

 

The silence that followed made Lily want the floor to open up and swallow her alive. This wasn’t how she had planned the conversation to go. Slowly, she allowed her eyes to lower – onto James Potter’s shocked face.

 

She said the first word which entered her head. “Hi,” she said.

 

The tension seemed to suddenly dissolve. Remus Lupin pushed James out of his chair. James got up but he had lost his power of speech. Lily decided that she would simply walk out of the common room and hopefully James would have the sense to follow or at least Remus would push him out. Lily knew Remus quite well. In fact, Marlene had suggested that they talk to Remus directly about James. But Lily hadn’t been very comfortable with that idea.

 

“Wait,” someone said. Sirius Black. 

 

Lily turned. “Yeah?” 

 

“Are you planning to challenge James to a duel or something? Because then we’ll  - he waved his wand at the other two – want to come out and save him. Oh and put you in Azkaban too.”

 

Lily decided not to be insulted. “He’ll be fine,” she said dryly.

 

Once the two of them were standing outside, Lily saw that James was definitely not going to take any initiative in starting this conversation. His hands were in his pockets and every five seconds or so, he would mess up his hair. Somehow, this did not annoy Lily. She considered saying, “Hi.” again but she didn’t think it would be funny twice over.

 

“Look, J-James,” she said. “I think we should, it’s just that we’re – I’m sorry. I’m sorry for over-reacting.”

 

She caught the expression on his face and immediately felt stupid for having looked up in the first place.

 

“I mean,” she continued. “I think in the present conditions, we should stop these stupid fights.”

 

“You mean,” he said. “The acting like first years.”

 

Lily began to smile. “Something like that. Maybe not that small. We’re pretty intense.”

 

She saw his expression and winced. “When we’re fighting, I mean.”

 

He laughed. “Yeah…”

 

“So, let’s finally lead this school into – “

 

“Disaster,” he cut in. Lily found her smiling. How was this so easy all of a sudden? And how on earth wasn’t she getting annoyed by his incredible need to finish her sentences?

 

“Disaster,” she agreed.

 

“So, we have a patrol tomorrow night,” he said.

 

Lily blinked several times. “We do?”

 

“If you want, I mean, only then,” James said, backtracking.

 

“No, no, that’s fine,” Lily said.

 

They stared at each other for a few more seconds before James cut through the silence. “So…see you tomorrow then?”

 

“Sure.”

 

And just like that, it was all cleared. Lily knew that some awkwardness would always remain but she felt as if she had already achieved something that year.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

“So,” Marlene said later when Lily was back in her seat, in front of the fire.

 

“Don’t even start,” Lily said.

 

“What?”

 

“The whole I-told-you-so rubbish.”

 

Marlene rolled her eyes. “What did I tell you?”

 

Lily decided to be nice to her best friend. “That it all would work out.”

 

xxxxxxxxx

 

 

_Please, Please Review!_

 

 


	3. Hate Me, I Don't Care

** The Breakthrough **

****

** Chapter 3 **

****

** Hate Me, I Don't Care **

_ Hey, _

_ I’m sorry this has taken so long but I’d written almost 3/4th of the chapter when it randomly disappeared. First, I wanted to scream because it had come out so good and now, for this second shot, all I can hope is for it to turn out even better. _

_ In this chapter, I’m trying to write in way more substance than the previous two. I want to focus on more characters and more emotions and just more situations in general. _

_But what I really need is for you guys to review! It’s always so much more inspiring to write when I have actual proof that people really_ are _reading this story. So if you think this chapter is crappy and unreadable, tell me why. And I you like it, even better! Hopefully, you’ll like it but you get my drift…_

_ So, as always, happy reading and reviewing! _

_ N _

__

Lily woke up the next day to a surprisingly light head. At first, she could barely remember why on earth she felt so good but then she remembered the last night. Her feud with James Potter was finally over. Lily didn’t know why that made her happy but she knew she was feeling relieved. She thought of how the two of them had this truce a long time coming. The last year had been so tense, so full of anger and frustration – towards each other as well as themselves. But here she was and here they were and they were OK. Better than OK. They were actually behaving their age. And that somehow made Lily feel happy. She smiled.

Throwing the covers to the ground, she stepped around them and into the bathroom. She combed the hair off her face, tied it up and dressed. For the first time since term had started, she wondered if her seven years at Hogwarts could have a good end. 

She got her books together and threw them into her bag. A new day and Lily was excited. She was halfway across the dormitory when she heard her name.

“Leeleee…?”

Lily turned. Marlene was almost falling of her bed with dark black hair falling into her eyes. If Lily didn’t live in that dormitory, she wouldn’t have been able to tell Marlene from the hair.

“Can I see your face?” Lily said, smiling slightly.

Marlene sat up, breathing heavily. Her eyes were still not completely open. She pushed the hair out of her face and looked up to face Lily. “Where are you going?”

Lily raised her eyebrows. Marlene clearly hadn’t woken up. “Well,” she said. “Generally, when it’s morning, we eat. So, I’m going – “

She stopped as the meaning of what she was saying hit her. “Oh, God.”

“Exactly,” Marlene said, in a vague, scratchy voice. “Lily, are you – do you feel OK?”

Lily took a deep breath. “I’m – I’m fine.”

She sat down heavily on Marlene’s bed. All of a sudden, she felt very stupid. Since, they had been first-years, the two of them had a tradition of going down for breakfast together. At first, it was for moral support so that they wouldn’t have to face the large, intimidating world of the Great Hall alone but it had stuck. And for the last six years, they always went down together. But here Lily was, marching down, alone, as if the tradition had never existed. 

Marlene didn’t say anything more but she was staring at Lily and Lily could feel her face go red as Marlene tried to figure out the reason behind her strangeness.

Because the truth was Lily was actually looking forward to the day in front of her and she wanted to test the waters and see if the truce with James still stood. And in all of that, she was ready to leave Marlene behind.

Lily remained silent as Marlene got ready for breakfast.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

It was only when Lily had entered the Great Hall did she realize what she was in for. Was she totally insane to want to talk to James Potter? Sure, they had drawn up a truce but both of them together could be so violent and it would be so easy to mess the peace up.

She reached the Gryffindor table when she stopped short, causing Marlene to fall right into her.

“What the f-“ Marlene began, then stopped. “Oh.”

Marlene and Lily were good friends with their fellow dorm-mates, Gemma Wilson and Jane Fletcher and then generally sat with them for breakfast but for some twisted reason, the two girls had shifted down the table and were now sitting right next to the Marauders. 

Marlene began to smile. Nudging Lily, she said, “No option, hm?”

Lily blanched. She bloody well had an option and that was to simply turn around and walk away but that would be too weird and too awkward and Lily forced herself to have more backbone. She could do this. She could control herself for one half of an hour. 

But she couldn’t. She didn’t have it in her to test _any_ waters. What the hell was she thinking? She didn’t want to see how _anything_ stood but Marlene was propelling her forward and Lily was moving. Closer, closer until she was standing practically over them.

“Gemma, Jane, hey,” Marlene said.

They were two seats left. One next to Jane and one - Lily preferred not to look there – next to James. Marlene, being the considerate friend that she was, took the seat next to Jane and short of sitting on the floor, Lily was left with nothing but sitting next to James. She did so but she refused to look up. It was way too weird and she refused to talk to him, she refused – 

“Someone twisted your neck, Evans?”

The conversation abruptly stopped and Lily looked up to find Sirius Black looking down at her. There was something in his face that startled Lily but she told herself it was nothing. It _better_ be nothing. She couldn’t deal with any more undercurrents.

“What?” she said.

“You neck, Evans,” he repeated. “It seems to be twisted downwards. Any reason why?”

It was a second before Lily found her words. “I was just,” she said, “Interested in what they’re serving.”

Sirius’s gaze suddenly shifted to Lily’s right and Lily turned to find herself looking straight at James. He was glaring at Sirius and as Lily looked from Sirius to James, she could tell somehow that James was telling Sirius to get off Lily’s case. Lily wanted to tell James that it was OK, that he didn’t have to take up for her. But Sirius shut up and he got back into the conversation between Remus and Peter.

Lily looked at her plate as she realized that here was probably the moment where she needed to thank James or even acknowledge the fact that he was sitting right next to her.

So she swallowed her pride and said, “James?”

He froze and Lily watched as he slowly swallowed his food and turned to look at her.

“Yeah?” he said finally.

Lily tried not to look intimidated. “Uh. Good Morning.”

He slowly smiled. “About time but yeah, good morning to you too.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Lily was almost done with her day and it had the potential of being nice, if she only could eliminate one factor: Sirius Black and his obvious hatred towards her.

At first, she thought that she was being paranoid, that he was simply being his normal, slightly cryptic self and that she was reading too much into it. But as the day steadily progressed into heavier, more obvious insults, Lily could safely say that Sirius Black had more than a slight problem with her.

A couple of days ago, Lily would have probably thought that Sirius didn’t even realize that she existed. Any communication between the two was non-existent except, maybe, for the fact that Lily would spit at the sight of his best-mate. But aside from that, Lily had no idea who Sirius was apart from his sort-of handsome, brooding, snogging every second girl in Hogwarts persona and she could have sworn that Sirius returned the favour. But he obviously hated her and this climaxed into something that made Lily seriously dislike Sirius as well.

It was Astrology and Lily was sitting in her usual place, next to Marlene. The unfortunate part was that Sirius was also sitting in his usual place, behind her, next to Remus. 

It was the last class of the day and Lily and Marlene were bored. Lily was becoming increasingly upset as she thought of the innumerable times Sirius Black had insulted her to her face. She wanted to talk about it to Marlene so bad but she couldn’t because _he_ was bloody sitting behind her. Marlene took matters entirely into her own hands. By passing notes.

M.M: I so know you want to ask me something.

L.E: What? I know you think you’re psychic and I’m sorry to disappoint you butthere’s nothing I want to ask you. Ha to your face!

M.M: There’s no need to be so defensive. Let’s make this easier for you. Suppose I know that you want to ask me something regarding a certain Sirius Black?

L.E: Fine, alright. Tell me, if you’re so bloody psychic, what the hell is wrong with him?

M.M: Haha! You admitted it, I’m psychic, I’m psychic – 

L.E: Can you, for one minute, think about me for a change?

M.M: Alright, alright, there’s no need to snatch the stupid parchment out of my hands.

The thing is, Lil, I think my powers are a bit blocked.

L.E: What the bloody hell do you MEAN?

M.M: Just that. I have no idea what’s wrong with that bloke.

(Pause)

M.M: Lily? Lily?

L.E: You’re very helpful. Now go away.

M.M: Now, Lily – 

A voice jolted both of them out of their little snatching-fight.

“I never took you for underhand, Evans.” It was Sirius Black.

Lily let go of the parchment and turned completely in her seat. “What on earth do you mean, Black?”

Sirius smirked. “I mean, if you have anything to say to me, say it to my face.”

From the corner of my eye, Lily could see Marlene stiffen. But Lily didn’t want to back down. She’d had enough.

“I don’t have anything to say to an arrogant, grudge-holding, arse – “

He cut her off. “You don’t want to finish that, Evans. Not unless you want to cry in front of the whole class.”

And with that, he picked up his books, shoved it in his bag and got up.

“Sirius,” Remus began.

“Fuck off,” Sirius barked and strode to the other end of the class.

Lily turned back, her skirt suddenly seeming more interesting than anything else in that classroom, for she felt the first bit of tears in her eyes.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

 So when dinner came by, Lily couldn’t be blamed if all she wanted was for sleep and a dormitory where moody, vague boys didn’t exist. 

But somehow, Lily found herself sitting with James to her right and Sirius opposite her. Marlene was a few seats away and Lily would have gladly slapped her for being such an incredibly unsupportive friend. But Sirius hadn’t started on her yet and James was oddly quiet. Lily couldn’t help looking at him every couple of minutes. He looked tired and bored and just vaguely preoccupied. And Lily found that sort of weird because from whatever she knew of James Potter, quiet was something she didn’t really recognise. He was never off or moody or brooding and she found herself wanting to find out what was wrong.

She could feel Sirius glaring at her and she was forcing herself not to look up, forcing herself not to murder him. Because she would have readily done so.

She heard her name. 

“Yeah,” she said, looking to her left. Remus was addressing her from a couple of seats away. 

“I was wondering when you and James were planning on having the first Prefect meeting? We’re already way into the year.”

Lily tried to bring her thoughts away from the dark cloud in front of her and the brooding James next to her.

“Um,” she began. “We haven’t discussed it yet. But soon, though.” Remus nodded and turned back to Marlene, her answer obviously having satisfied him. 

“You won’t be discussing anything, Evans, would you? It would all be your decisions. You wouldn’t trust James with any decision.”

Lily did not look up, she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of her. Out of the corner of her eye, she tried to see James’s reaction. He was playing with his fork, glaring at his plate like it had seriously annoyed him in some way. He hadn’t heard Sirius.

Lily hated being saved by anyone but for the first time ever, she wished James would say something, _anything_. But he wasn’t there, mentally. He seemed really upset and Lily found herself obliged to find out what the matter was.

“James,” she said. She waited but there was no response, he hadn’t heard her. She put her hand on his shoulder. He started and turned to look at her. Lily was taken aback by the expression on his face. He was clearly not well.

“Are you,” she tried. “Did you – feel OK?”

The surprise at having her actually talk to him slowly edged away. “Yeah…” he said. “Yeah, I am, thanks.”

Lily nodded, knowing that there was nothing more she could say. James wasn’t about to tell _her_ his life-story. 

“What’s with the sudden caring, Evans?” Lily groaned. She had forgotten about Sirius sitting right in front of her.

“I mean, a day ago, you hated James here, you were ready to murder him on sight and now suddenly, just one bleeding day later you’re all mate-y and nice. What’s the deal, hm? What do you want from – Aaaargh!”

Before Lily could even think of am appropriate answer, James had lunged at Sirius and they were both wrestling on the table, food literally all over them.

“You bloody bastard,” James was yelling. “What’s your problem, huh? Shut up, will you? SHUT THE HELL UP!”

Lily knew she had to stop this. “Black,” she tried. There wasn’t a response, after all, she had practically whispered.

“SIRIUS!” she yelled. That caught his attention. Without waiting for him to speak, she continued, “This isn’t anything – of what you’re thinking! I’m not trying to hurt James. It’s just that we’re trying to be responsible and mature – that’s all!”

Sirius snorted. “If that is all you think _this_ is, then you’re even more stupid then I thought, Evans.”

“What do you mean?” she demanded.

Suddenly, Sirius let go of James. He pushed James back into his seat and slowly stood up. For a second, Lily thought he was going to slap her. She flinched. But he merely snapped, “Ask him.” 

Lily turned to look at James who was looking as unJames-ish as he could possible look, his head in his hands, food all over his robes. Sirius turned and walked out of the hall.

Lily stared after him for a while before his words sunk in. Ask him…ask James…

“James,” she began. “What the hell did he mean?”

But James was pushing his way out of there. That made Lily furious for the first time. These boys were fighting, and fighting like they wanted to kill each other, and it was obviously over her. But no one would tell her what she had done. And that made her angry.

“James Potter,” she said, loudly. “Answer me!”

“I’ll talk to you later!” James yelled back, looking at Lily square in the eye. Seeing her taken aback expression, he added, “Okay?” Lily found herself nodding and then James had disappeared.

“Lily?”

For the first time, Lily realized that they she was surrounded by people. Slowly it sunk in that she was in the Great Hall with people around her, people who had seen the whole thing. She wanted to disappear. Marlene was at her side, her hand on Lily’s shoulder.

“Lily?” she repeated.

“Don’t ask,” Lily said.

“Want to go up?” Marlene said.

The two girls faced each other. “Please,” Lily said.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

One had to admit that Lily made a valiant attempt at trying to sleep. It was just past 1 am when she gave up and she collected her Potions book and decided to at least complete some homework. It was a warm night and Lily simply pulled on her robes over her nightgown.

But when she reached down, she realized that she wasn’t alone. She first saw a mass of messy black hair and even before she had reached him, he was unmistakeable. 

James Potter had fallen asleep at the fire and Lily could only guess why he hadn’t gone up. She shook his shoulder. 

He didn’t stir and for a minute she thought that he was never going to wake up when he said, his eyes still closed, “Finally, Lily.”

“What are you doing down here?” Lily said.

He laughed. “What are you doing down here, for that matter, hm?”

“Thought I’d do some homework.”

James eyes twinkled. “At this time?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Yeah,” James said, fully grinning. “I figured.” Suddenly his smile faded. “Yeah, about that.”

Lily nodded, “About that.” 

“I – I,” James began. “I had it out with Sirius and he’s been a bloody arse and I guess, on some level, he’s sorry, but he’s got the wrong end of some stick and he’s seeing everything backwards – “ Catching sight of Lily’s expression, he cut himself off.

“OK, sit down, why don’t you and I’m going to explain the whole think out to you, yeah?”

Some other time, Lily might have had a thousand questions but she was too much in a daze and anyway, she badly wanted to know what was going on. So she sat down on the other end of the couch. “Tell me,” she said.

James’s face twisted as he tried to get his words together. “Look,” he said. “Sirius is my best mate and he’s probably going to kill me if he finds out I’ve told you this but the thing is, you need to know it and I want you to know it. So…” He took a deep. “Sirius faced a lot this summer. His family, they, uh, disowned him. He’s living with me now and we’re, he’s like my brother, you know. And I’d die for him and he’d do the same and he’s been looking out for me a lot, you know and now, after my summer – Voldemort was after my family – he’s been looking out for me more than usual and for some twisted reason, he thinks – I have no idea why – he thinks, you – “

“He thinks I’m going to hurt you.”

James swallowed hard. “I mean, all he sees is that we were enemies last year and we pretty much hated each other and…”

Lily decided to make this easier for him. “Yeah and suddenly, we’re actually being decent to each other.”

“Something like that, yeah.”

Lily took a deep breath. This was very hard for James and it was very evident. This was important. James was sharing with her important bits of his life, of his best-mate’s life. And Lily was honoured. She knew she had to react right, show him that he deserved to trust her. “I understand,” she said.

“Do you?” James ducked his head and before she knew it, she was looking right into his eyes.

“I do,” she said, as steadily as she could.

He nodded and moved back. “Just, just – stay out of his way, please. I know you’re bloody stubborn and so is he and I’d hate for him to hurt you. He’s very capable in the mood he’s in and –“

“That’s not really my style,” Lily said.

“Make it!” he said and Lily was surprised by the forcefulness in his voice. She had meant it as a joke. “Please, for my sake.”

And then, Lily was nodding and promising and wanting to hit herself at the same time for agreeing to something like that.

He grasped her hand for a second and stood up. “You should really get some sleep, Lily,” he said. She nodded. It was still so odd to hear ‘Lily’ coming from him. 

“Lily?” There it came, again. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m – for what this is worth – sorry. Really.”

Lily tried to smile. “It’s not your fault, James. Really.”

He smiled half-heartedly but he didn’t lose the intense look of concern on his face. He bade her goodnight and left.

And Lily was left with her own thoughts, her mind much more confused than before she had talked to him. _Damn James Potter,_ she thought.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_ That’s about it. It surprisingly turned out way better than I thought it would. Hopefully you agree. _

_ Please, please, review. _

_ Thanks, _

_ N _


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